Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I always write blogs when I should be doing something else...

Blogging when I busy beyond words is my stress reliever. I find some of my most creative thoughts come about at 1 in the morning when I am so tired I want to curl up and not wake up for the next 12 hours, yet have so much to do that I can't fall asleep because my head is to full of stuff; it is in these moments that inspiration comes (or what I consider inspiration) and I have to get it down on paper. So forgive me if this is a little discombobulated, incoherent, or maybe even an idea that a much wiser person has already thought of...but tonight it hit me...

Our lives are like jokes. (wait for it, wait for it...) hmmm yeah, I didn't like equating my life to a joke either, but here is where my thought process was going. Jokes have punch lines, and if you don't say the punch line at just the right time...well the joke just isn't funny. True?

Well a lot of times I find that I live my life doing what I think I should be doing, going about my merry way -let's say going to grad school for example-and then I get to the part where the punch line is suppossed to come in- like an amazing high paying job after graduation- and well...I am left punch line. My first response...God, where ar You? Why didn't you deliver the punch line? Ummm hello, life isn't good without the punchline...right?

Wrong! See the problem is too often we are too busy writing our own jokes (aka lives) and our punchlines (aka outcomes, blessings, dreams, the stuff that happens in movies, you know...the good stuff) and when it doesn't happen we look to God and say...what happen? Why didn't you show up? I told you exactly what to give me! Why aren't you giving it to me? (insert the most annoying little whiny kid you can think of here begging for an ice cream cone on a hot day!)

First of all...God doesn't play on our timing! He plays on His own timing. So we may write the joke and wait for the punchline...but it's not going to come....yet or maybe not at all. God's punchline to our jokes is:
always on time...His time
always good...He never does anything wrong
and always better than the one we wrote ourselves!

So all that to say...right now I am coming to the end of this joke (this part of my life...grad school)...and I had thought I had a pretty good idea what the punchline was (ummm a great job doing exactly what I wanted to do at the exact university I wanted to work at)...but well...I am pretty sure that punchline is not going to be my reality. Instead...I am waiting (not necessarily because I want to but because I need too) for God's punchline.

What does God's punchline look like...well that, I don't know; but, I do know three things...

It will be on time! It will be good! AND it will be better than anything I could have ever imagined or dreamed on my own! that is my creative side (and heart) at 1 in the morning.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It's after 1 in the morning & I am so excited that I can't sleep!!

So, it seriously 1 AM right now and I am so excited...though I am not going to share with you why I am so excited (don't hold your breath because I am really not going to tell you the details because nothing is 100% yet but just know that it is really cool and amazing and I am so excited that I cried about it earlier is that great!!) Anyway, I wanted to share what I wrote in my journal last night. I usually don't do this, but I really just feel the need to share and hope that someone enjoys it and it resonates with someone's here it is...

Zephaniah 3:17 - The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

The phrase that sticks out the most is "he will quiet you with his love" -God I am so busy and always talking and always thinking...I need to be quieted by your love; I need to be quiet in your love; I need to experience the power of your love that has the ability to calm my mind, my heart and my spirit.

God you take great delight in me? I find this hard to believe a lot of the time because I do so many sinful things. How could you delight in me? How do you delight in me when others can't even delight over me - and they are my equal and not the God of the universe! But you do delight in me, as a parent delights in their child and as a artist delights in their creation and as a composer delights in his song - so you delight in me.

You take so much delight in me, that you "rejoice over me with singing." What a voice You must have! What a song You must be singing! Which one is it? What does it sound like? I know I have heard it before! In the quiet moments of the sunsets on the dock at the Delta, in the thunder and pounding rain of the storms in Northern Thailand, in the laughter of the rowdy teenage girls at winter camp who just won't go to sleep, in the waves that crash on the shore, or the sound of my feet hitting the pavement when I go for a run - all of them are percussion and harmony and sound effects to the joyous song You are singing over me!

Thank you for taking delight in me, quieting me, and rejoicing over me! Thank you also for being might to save - thank you for loving me enough to save me from myself!