Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Thailand =(

So I have been writing a lot this week, but I am not going to apologize because you all are the ones who choose to read these things. Anyway, today one of my friends is flying to Thailand for 4 months and several more of my friends are leaving for Thailand next week for 3 weeks....and it is making me sad. I miss Thailand!!

I miss the people, I miss the huge bugs, I miss rain everyday! I miss tuk tuk rides, driving for hours on curvy mountain roads, and stopping to sleep at random peoples houses at all hours of the night. I miss mixing cement at 6 AM, trying to shovel just as much rock as the boys, and trying to lift 100 lb bags of cement. I miss smoky tasting water, pria bars, and I even miss rice!! I miss freezing cold showers, wearing big boots, and playing soccer in a muddy rice patty. I miss my muddy jungle roads, reconstructing bridges, and nearly slipping off dirt roads. I miss haggling with vendors, drinking the most amazing smoothies on a hot and muggy day and I miss sitting in Starbucks sipping a banna mocha frappacino while trying to not cry because I miss home. I miss my apartment on the 7th floor, Thai tea from the lady across the street, and trying to find a phone that will use the stupid phone card I bought. I miss Thai massages that cost $5, no personal space, and never having to be anywhere at a certain time. I miss falling asleep under a mosquito net on the floor of a hut to the sounds of children playing and animals making awful noises. I miss the children in the village surrounding me at all moments of the day, drinking gatorade, and even watching Brad kill a chicken with one of it's own feathers. I miss never having a plan, playing with kids in a rain storm, and having my heart break at not being able to help sick and hurting people. I miss waking up next to Shann every morning, I miss Brad teasing me about who I should and shouldn't date, and I even miss crazy Jeremiah! I miss me...I left a huge chunck of my heart there and I don't know if I can ever get it back! I miss church services translated into 3 different languages, I miss feeling uncomfortable and out of place, I miss Becky's homemade tacos and eclairs. I miss road trips to Burma, boat rides to Laos, and long layovers in the Singapore Airport. I miss long emails from home, the joy of talking to a best friend after weeks and weeks, and the closeness to my family when I slip up and call at 3 AM because I forgot how to figure out the time difference. I miss waking up each morning knowing that I am going to do something to further the kingdom. I miss newspapers plastered with pictures of crime scenes that would never make it into American papers, I miss wearing yellow on Mondays to honor the king, and I miss free samples of beer at the grocery store. I miss it, I miss it, I miss it!!

I ache to go home! Isn't it weird that it only feels like home now that I am here and now that everything in my life is leading me away from there. I am learning to let go and at the same time realize that my time and experiences in Thailand have shaped me and changed me into a person that is so different than who I used to be. I think she is pretty amazing! I just have to trust that by letting go, God will eventually lead me back if need be! I pray for that almost everyday!

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