It's Raining

I am sitting in one of my favorite places...a coffee shop on a quaint little downtown street near my home. It's raining outside and I am warm and cozy inside listening to music and suppossedly working on a project for school. Something about rain, and quiet, and music (and maybe even homework) drives me to reflect on life and the state of my heart.

Life is so interesting right now. Not amazing (a phrase I use way too often) but definitely not awful, or bad, or unliveable. My overbearing, always having to plan, and super stressed out personality has slipped into a laidback, super flexible, and not worried about much of anything way of life. I find this change intriguing and wonderful, but am not too sure when or where it happened.

School is good. This quarter has been very kickback, but somehow I still manage to wait to the last minute to do projects and papers...oh well...I am still getting good grades (I think...I haven't gotten a single assignment back yet!). I am leaving for New York and Vermont in just a couple of days for a conference for my Law and Ethics class. I am super excited! I bought these plane tickets almost four months ago. I almost can't believe the time has come for this amazing (see there I go using that word again) adventure!

My internship has been good and hard all at the same time! I am thriving in Student Affairs and I am ready to get out in this huge world and figure out where in the heck I am going to be serving in the next few years; however, that desire to get out makes being a "student" tough because I tend to fight "the man". I am also learning how to plan for my departure, yes even 7 months in advance. The program I am running is actually starting to become sustainable, but I need to leave it in a place of sustainability and growth for the next graduate assistant that comes along. I tend to find myself in this place...creating and growing ideas and programs and then having to move onto something else new. I think with this internship I am learning to embrace this trend, but it doesn't make the moving-on any easier.

Personally I have been very contemplative lately. I tend to find myself with an urge to sit and think and write. I think I am at this place right now because I am still trying to process all the changes in my life: relationships, vocation, me, jobs, residence, etc. As much as I verbally process things (sorry to all of those who have heard the many ranting of Erin in the last few months...and years!!) sometimes sitting down with a blank page, a pen, and my rambling thoughts is the best therapy I could ask for.

Church...AMAZING!! As some of you may or may not know I have been church shopping since June and well I really didn't shop too much and I was blessed to find a great church family. I was telling someone about it the other day and they commented about how perfect is was for me...it meets at a coffee shop (can't beat the atmosphere), is new and fairly small (about five months old and about 40 people on a Sunday), is different every week, and is super focused on missions. My goal for the year is to "not get involved" (thanks to several of you who really emphasized the importance of this goal in my life) in church ministry. It sounds like a weird goal...I know...but I really need some time to just "be" and go to church for time with God and community. Not getting "involved" has already been difficult as I was already asked to lead a small group, but I really feel that I need to rest and that I need to focus on my ministry at my internship.

It has stopped raining for the moment and the project I should be working on is begging to get finished, so it is time to be responsible and not let too much of this rainy day pass me by.